Looking into his mind
by usuilove21
Summary: *HIATUS AND RE-WRITE* What if the order somehow got a look into Allen's past, thoughts, and dreams? -Summary sucks, I know, but read it anyways!- -Rated T to be safe- Chapter 3 now up! Read!
1. Prolouge

******Looking into his mind**

**A/N: **Hello, this is my newest fanfiction! It is my 13th fanfiction! This is D . Gray - man!! I can't get this idea out of my mind so here I am writing this!

Summary: What happens when the order (somehow) got a look into allen's past, thoughts, and dreams?

**Prologue**

**Allen's POV**

"You called me for something, Inspector Rouvelier, Komui?" I said, walking into Komui's office of the black order.

Everyone was in his office with Komui and the inspecter. And by everyone I mean, Lenalee, Lavi, Kanda, Miranda, Chaoji, Maire, Crowley, Timothy (**A/N**: I just really like his character so I am putting him in this story.), The three generals who were still here; only god knows where Master Cross is, Reever, Johnny, and of course Link; who was following me.

"Allen-kun, we have to do something." Komui answered, my question. But now I had a new one. Why were the others in here?

"And what is that?" I asked, cocking my head to the side.

"We are going to look into your mind." Komui said, hesitantly.

"Huh? Why? And how?" I asked, I don't want them looking into my mind!

"We just want to look into your past Allen. Please, this is for yourself." Reever came up to me and said.

"Okay, you may do what you want." I said, turning my head.

"Come here, please." Komui said, pointing to a screen and a machine.

"What is that?" I said, cocking my head.

I saw that Kanda had his regular glare on, Lavi had an unreadable expresion, and Lenalee had a worried look on her face with the other exorcist and Johnny, Komui and Reever. The inspector had a smile on his face, probably happy that he was finally going to find out the truth.

"It is the machine that is going to let us look into your memories. Please take a seat." He said.

I hesitated as I looked at the chair. I looked exactly like one of the chairs used in the process of executing prisoners, when they are going to be electrocuted to death.

Even though I was hesitant about it I still took a seat in the chair.

"Please just bear with this Allen-kun." Koumi said, putting some device on my head.

I nodded feeling the newly found weight on my head. The last thing I was was Komui flip a switch.

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**A/N: **And that is it for the prologue, I am going to sleep now. Good-bye!

--Usuilove21


	2. Chapter 1: The beginning

**Looking into his mind. **

**A/N: Here is the first chapter of 'Looking into his mind.'. Please, read and review. I am sorry for not updating, been busy with my shugo chara fanfictions, but my dark side finally decided to show itself... Enjoy...  
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I thank: **Animeloverx175,maaike13, and Mystjerne** for adding this story to your favorites list!

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_Recap: The last thing I heard was Komui flip a switch. _(I thank **Mystjerne-san** for pointing that out for me!)

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**Chapter 1: The Beginning **

**Normal POV**

Everyone saw flashes of lights and pictures flash onto the screen.

The room was filled with an eerie silence, nothing except the sounds of breathing were coming from all of the people in the room.

Then the pictures and flashing on the screen skidded to a stop.

"Here is where we begin to watch..." Lavi muttered to bookman, who was standing next to him.

"Just shut up and watch." Bookman muttered back to his apprentice, and slapped him on the back of the head, Lavi twiched, but didn't blowup in anger at the older man.

**Allen's Mind: Normal POV  
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'Everyday... Everyday is the same... Will it never end? How much longer will it be this way?' A small brown-haired boy thought, whom was curled up in a small ball on a cot in a small room that was most likely a closet.

You would think that this small boy would be crying but he wasn't, he wasn't doing anything. His face was blank, no expression... Just an expression of sheer boredom.

The young boy had brown hair that went up to his ears. His skin color was close to a sickly pale, he had silver eyes that looked dull. He was wearing clothes that were sown together, not even a solid piece of clothing, there were holes in the fabric. He had a piece of fabric covering his left hand up to where the sleeve of his shirt came up. He had bruises all over the visible parts of his body and cuts; some closed, some open, and some that can open anytime. The boy could be no older than 5 or 6 years old.

**Back to the order.**

"Is that... Allen-kun?" A confused Lenalee asked, once seeing the brown-haired boy.

"I am guessing that, that is Allen-kun as a young boy." Komui said, watching the screen intently.

"I am guessing, the skin of Allen and that boy are the same, and the eyes too." Lavi said, sitting between Lenalee and Bookman on one of the couches in Koumi's Office**.**

There was no response. No sound in the room either. Just the breathing of everyone in the room, and the sounds of Allen's memories.

**Back to Allen's mind: Normal POV**

Suddenly a knock on the small door to the closet interrupted the little boys thoughts.

"Young one!! Come out!" A voice said, it sounded hoarse and very shrill, no kindness in the voice at all, it sounded as if it were filled with anger.

The young boy got up from his ball on the cot that he was on. He went to the door and cracked it open, letting one of his eyes show.

"Yes?" The little brown-haired boy said in a delicate voice.

"Short one, the head wants to see you." The woman said with a glare. The woman was wearing a frilly dress that was a maroon color, she wore simple high-healed shoes, and had her black hair in a pony-tail. She had to be in her mid-twenties.

The Brown-haired boy got angry when the woman called him short.

"My name is not 'short one.' My name is Allen, don't call me that again!" Allen said, he anger clear in his voice.

**Allen's POV**

"Eh, just follow me Deformed one." The woman who's name I forgot said, turning around.

This got me really mad.

'That stupid woman! What does she know! Why is she only mean to me? She's nice to the others. Is it the same reason I was abandoned? This stupid arm?' I thought, following the woman that I have grown to despise.

I knew where we were going. To the head of this orphanage that I lived in. I wasn't the only child in this orphanage, I was just the only one that lived in a closet.

I really don't know anything. I am not even sure if 'Allen' is my real name, the people at the orphanage told me that it was my name, they didn't give me a last name, so I have no clue what my full name is, I can live without a last name, as long as I **do** have a name. But even if the people here know that I have a name, they don't call me it. The other children call me a monster, the adults call me a mistake from god, sometimes, they call me other things that I don't even understand.

I looked around. The woman and I were now at the door to the head of this orphanage. I usually came here everyday. Even when I do nothing, I get blamed for the things the other kids did. Sometimes I had no reason at all, but I still had to come. The same thing would happen everyday. The head would ask me some questions or no questions at all, but if I said something wrong I would get 'punished.' Not something like 'no supper for you!' It would be a punishment that involved pain and physical contact, including pain **and** no supper sometimes; and I need food, no matter how much I eat I can never seem to get full...

The woman I was with knocked on the door, Oh, I just remembered her name, I think it is Clarice... Not sure...

"Come in." A deep voice said from the other side of the door, making me flinch inside.

Clarice and I stepped in, only to be facing the back of a chair, that the man was sitting on.

The man stood up and told Clarice. "You may leave now, Clarice."

The man's had shaggy black hair that was a little shorter than mine, he also had darker skin than mine. Clarice looked at him and then at me. The man had the same blank stare that I had, well my stare had fear in it, knowing what was probably going to happen next.

Once Clarice shut the door behind her, the man got a sadistic grin on his face.

Knowing what was going to happen next I took in a breath of air.

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**A/N: **Okay, And that is this chapter, the next will be up soon, my dark side is still with me, but not now, it is 1:18 AM, so good-night, review.

--Usuilove21


	3. Chapter 2: Abuse

Looking into his mind.

Usui: YO! I never introduced myself. I am Usuilove21's, dark side, She will mostly be writing this story when I am in control, her other side will probably be here as well from time to time... So, read this and review!!

Okay, I am telling you that the black haired man is **not** Mana!!

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**Chapter 2: Abuse. **

**Allen's Mind: Allen's POV**

The man with the sadistic smile went to his desk to grab something.

I knew what it was before he got it out. A whip.

'I am guessing that today is one of the days where I don't do anything at all...' I thought, slightly clenching my fists.

Next thing I knew, the whip was coming in contact with my skin, hitting my right arm. I flinched, but I didn't cry out in pain.

The whip went backwards, I moved my eyes to my right arm and I saw that there was a big red mark on my arm.

He hit me with the whip one more time, this time it went around both of my legs, making me fall over on the ground, only to be held up by my knees and hands.

My legs were now in pain, I looked down to my legs. My left leg had a bloody gash on it, the right one had a new red mark on it.

Then the man started whipping my back several times. I felt myself move into the fetal position.

I felt a liquid go down my back. Blood.

My hands and knees both gave up on me so I was now laying on my chest.

I felt anger begin to bubble in me.

'That's it! I have had enough! What did I even do?'

**Koumi's Office: Normal POV**

Everyone in the room was silent, as they watch, their friend, comrade, annoyance; in Kanda's case, and Danger; in Leverier's case, get beaten.

Lenalee, Lavi, Komui, Miranda, Crowly, Chaojii, and the others (Except Kanda, Leverier, and Link.) were watching in horor.

Lenalee and Lavi were wide eyed.

**Allen's Mind: Allen's POV**

"What did I even do!" I yelled, looking up at the man, pushing myself up with my hands.

Next thing I knew, I was in the air and my head was in pain.

I was looking the man straight in the eys. He was holding me up by my hair.

"You were born." The man said, throwing me out of his grip.

I didn't know what happened. I just knew I was in pain. I knew my back was touching something. The wall? I felt something warm go down the back of my head down to my neck. I looked up to the man and I saw that he was coming towards me.

I saw looked down and saw that my right hand was trembling.

I closed my eyes.

I felt something come in contact with me once again.

My eyes flung open and I saw that the man's foot was stepping on my stomach.

"Ah! Stop!" I said, with tears filling my eyes.

"No." The man said pressing his foot harder into my stomach, moving up a little. (**A/N: **Where your ribs are.)

I heard something crack. "AH!!" I yelled, tears started coming out of my eyes. I was in more pain than I ever knew before in my life. I heard the man make a small sound, I was guessing he was laughing at my pain...

He removed his foot from my and he went back to the door.

"Clar...! Come up..." I couldn't hear correctly. Everything was starting to go black along the edges of my eyes.

As everything was almost black Clarice came back into the room and I hear her gasp.

"Go pu.. him... his... clos.." And that was the last thing I heard.

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**Watching**: Family Guy.

**A/N: **Okay, I am sorry for not updating, and this chapter is a little suckish... Well, what do you think about this chapter? Did I go to far with the abuse thing? I mean I got sad writing this but the words just came flooding to me.... Review! Next is Come back or Why?

--Usuilove21


	4. Chapter 3: Making a decision

Looking into his mind.

Hi! My dark side is well, half control of me right now... I am watching one piece and reading Kuroshtisuji and loving bleach a lot!! MUHAHAHA!! Poor Ace and Sebastian... Review!!

Disclaimer: If I owned DGM, there would be a lot of Yullen in it, Do you see a lot of yullen? No.

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Reviews:

**dragonheart3** - I'll do my best!

**Mangafee** - Thanks! I have always wanted to read about Allen's past, but I couldn't really find any good ones only one good one!

**yannn** - I know, I can't believe I just did that either... I feel horrible... but I am the sadistic type too...

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**Chapter 3: Making a decision. **

**Allen's Mind: Allen's POV**

Floating in darkness...

I couldn't feel any pain. Nothing. I couldn't see anything either. Just the color only thing I felt was the numbness. Numbness of I don't know what...

Then the numbness began to fade. Replacing itself with a feeling of something worse. I couldn't describe what it felt like, it felt like I was gonna to be ripped apart.

Suddenly in the darkness I saw a white smile and eyes looking at me. (**A/N: **Guess who-o!!!)

Next thing I knew the pain increase even more and my eyes flew open.

My eyes met the color of a bleak gray ceiling.

I turned my head to the right, nothing. Now to the left, nothing. Just the bleak gray color of the room.

'It hurts to breath.' I thought, breathing in and wincing as I did.

I moved my hand up to my head as high as I could without hurting myself.

I felt a cloth on my head where it was bleeding before. My head was in pain. I tried to sit up despite my pain.

'How did all of this happen? Oh yeah, I was stupid and I talked back.'

**Komui's Office: Normal POV**

All of the people in the room were silent, just the soft sound of their breathing.

"Poor Allen-kun..." Lenalee said, breaking the silence.

"I know, who knew that he used to get beaten." Lavi said, sitting next to Lenalee.

"Shut up Idiot!" Bookman said hitting Lavi on the Head.

"That was uncalled for Panda-Ji!"

**Allen's Mind: Normal POV **(I know what I am doing.)

Allen sat up holding his torso in pain.

Beads of sweat started falling down his face.

He went back to laying down on his bed.

He reached out and grabbed a red string and lifted his head up slightly and bunched his hair up and tied it up. (**A/N:** Like in the manga)

**Allen's POV**

I was laying down, looking up at the gray ceiling.

'I can't live here for much longer... I don't know if I can live thought another beating like that...' I thought, closing my eyes.

'I am going to have to leave this place... But how...'

Later that night.

I started walking even thought I was in pain. Most of my day was sleeping. But that face never appeared again.

I slightly opened the door to the closet I currently lived in.

'I have to be quiet. This is my only chance... I can't mess this up!' I thought, grabbing my jacket; if you could call it a jacket it was just pieces of cloth sewn together going as far to cover my left arm completely, I had to make this on my own, I had no clue how to sow thought I watched the other helpers sew before I hurt my hands several times while doing it too...

I stepped out of the closet I 'lived' in and I closed the door behind me gently.

My ribs were aching as I moved ever so slightly.

'Why do they hurt so much?' I asked myself.

I looked all over the dark hallway that I was in. I was the only person in the whole hall way, no one else.

I walked silently thought the orphanage not making a sound, even thought I knew how much I wanted to yell in pain, but if I did that I would probably get punished more for trying to escape...

I made my way down stairs and to the front door with out being heard.

I opened the big mahogany door and made my way outside closing it even more silent than before.

It was cold. The people at the orphanage said it was December.

I started to make my way down the street not even taking a look back.

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**Listening to:** 'A little Less sixteen candles, a little more touch me" by fall out boy.

**A/N: **Okay, sorry for ending it there, I couldn't think of anywhere else to end it. How do you like it? Now I am off to go play Kingdom hearts 2 and go convince my mom to buy me Ice cream later!

--usuilove21 *chu*


	5. Authors Note: Hiatus and WeWrite

**Authors Note.**

**A/N: **Okay, if you haven't noticed from the lake of updating, this has been on a Hiatus. But I have been thinking of this fanfiction for a while now, and I have to say, it is a really good idea, but my writing was horrible back then; it is still pretty bad now, but it's better than it was.

I am going to re-write everything in this fanfiction. I wrote this back when I just got into fanfiction. This was probably my third -man fanfiction.

I am not going to give any promises on when it will be posted, but it will be sooner or later. I would probably say around March or April of next year. Again, no promises.

Thank you.

I hope you are patient with me :)

XOXO,

Usuilove21


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